ABSENCE FOR ABOUT A YEAR FAIL
RATING: THE BIGGEST
ABSENCE FOR ABOUT A YEAR FAIL
RATING: THE BIGGEST
The picture speaks for itself.
So, the other day when I was driving back from Glasgow (it’s a 6 and a half hour drive, usually) we got to Birmingham and it was almost as if we were homeward bound. Suddenly, a flashing red light saying “ESP” came on the dash. Worried, we pulled to the side of the road to realise there was no hard shoulder. So we put our hazards on and hoped for the best while we called the breakdown people, who kindly told us to “GET OUT THE VEHICLE IMMEDIATELY! GET YOUR CHILDREN OUT OF THAT VEHICLE”. So with a lot of fuss, we got out of the car and moved towards the side of the road. It was only till I stood on the grass verge slightly elevated from the road that I realised there was hundreds, probably thousands, of cars whizzing past ours at about 100 mph, and whilst we were standing there I saw about 7 cars almost run into ours. Death cheating is not how I like to spend my Thursday afternoons. Oh yeah, did I forget to mention we were stuck in a fucking blizzard? I think I did. It was snowing so much that I could hardly see. It wasn’t till we’d been standing there waiting for about 15 minutes, that I realised I was wearing incredibly inappropriate footwear and my toes were, infact, about to fall off. With that, I started crying and in reaction to me crying, my brother started throwing a fit that involved him throwing his Blackberry on the floor, and then also crying when it got all wet and it stopped working properly. And if you thought it couldn’t get any worse, I was desperate to wee and it got to the point whilst waiting on the side of the road, where I decided to risk my own life and go for a wee in the middle of the car doors so that noone would see me. Little did I know, whilst I was weeing, my Mum got a phone call on the SOS phone saying “we’re going to have to send the highway police so it’s safer for you and your family. Where are you?” so my Mother described where we were stuck and then the bloke on the phone said “Oh yes, I’ve got you on camera” :|
So basically, I think this is the most epic fail of all time. Let’s summarize:
- NO HARD SHOULDER
- DEATH CHEATING THURSDAYS
- INAPPROPRIATE FOOTWEAR/FROSTBITE
- CRYING LEADING TO BLACKBERRY FAIL
- BLADDER FAIL
- PERVERT HIGHWAY OFFICER
- AND I DIDN’T EVEN MENTION IT TOOK US 10 AND A HALF HOURS TO GET HOME.
RATING: The most epic fail of all time.
Whilst I was looking through my notes trying to write a ridiculous essay on ‘Subculture: The meaning of style” I came across my seminar notes which said:
“Another example of how to fail extremely: Sit at the only table in the coffee shop that is empty and wonder what is wrong with it. Come to realise that the reason behind the empty table is that the roof is leaking all over it and will get filthy roof water in your cup of tea. You will slip over on the wet floor and you will get water on your head. This topped off my fantastic morning of having a shower that fluctuated from freezing to hot enough to boil me alive like a lobster. I also managed to get shampoo in my eye and drop the bottle on my foot - epic shower fail. I also have no library card. FML”
RATING: Funnier to find written down from the third week of uni than to experience.
This is Sarahs mum after she found out her 16 year old son could hear her having sex last night hahahaha I love getting drunk with Sarahs mum
The reblog says it all.
This morning I was leaving for uni and my housing has a turnstile gate that you have to go through to get in and out. I walked straight into it, then round it, then my bag got hooked on the turny thing.
RATING: Not too faily
I just poured orange juice all over myself and joe’s bed.
RATING: Vitamin C/Moistness fail
Three words, Broken Tumble Dryer.
It stole my money, and didn’t even dry shit. This is serious business, guyz. ALSO, one of my loads of washing was cold (even though it had just finished) making me question whether or not they actually got washed, and the other one smelt really weird when it was finished (ie, not of washing). It smells quite indescribable, but kind of like cider. It’s not a nice smell. God knows what was going on in there.
RATING: Pesk fail, with the upside of (seemingly) clean clothes.
So last night we went out and got more than a little bit drunk. This morning I found my knickers in my fridge when I went for an OJ fix.
RATING: Bare fail (See what I did there? HA)
So today I decided to make my money situation better by visiting the people who organise my accommodation to tell them I wanted to move out to live with friends for free as I currently don’t have enough money to live.
They made me pay £50 for an accommodation withdrawal form.
That’s right… £50 for a piece of paper confirming the fact that I have no money.
All aboard the fail boat that is my life.
RATING: Pretty epic…